4 months old

Well, in true fashion I'm late to posting this because they're 4 1/2 months old now. Ha! I'm still trying to find some sort of balance every day & it's hard. I used to wonder 'how am I going to manage work & twins while still being a good wifey AND take care of myself'? Well, it's just as hard, if not harder, than I imagined. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO grateful for what I have. I can't complain that I have a good job, an awesome hubby, beautiful babies, and a home. It's just a constant juggling act to keep everything running like a well oiled machine. From what I hear it gets easier, so YAY to that. :)

I need to remember to enjoy them at this age though, because there's lots of great things about this age, too. They're starting to grab at things, they try to push buttons on their toys, and they're starting to seem interested in the books I'm showing them! We bought a jumperoo & so far Harlow likes it (Emma isn't so sure) but she sits in it for about 10 minutes before she's over it. They're really starting to show interest in the food Dan & I are eating. I'm waiting just a couple more weeks, when they hit the 5 month mark, to try out solids. I'll probably just start with oatmeal and wait until they're 6 months to add anything else.

They're still smiling and 'talking' up a storm. They usually wake up in a good mood.. talking in their cribs before I go in and grab them. Oh, and Emma is ticklish. It's the cutest thing ever to hear her little chuckle. :)

At their 4 month well visit they were 13lbs 10oz (Harlow) & 13lbs 2oz (Emma), and they're both in the 41% for height at 24inches. Harlow is my brainiac with her head measuring at a whopping 92nd percentile. Their pedi called her Charlie Brown & then she proceeded to pee on his leg during her exam. HAHA! That's my girl..not taking crap from anyone! It was extra funny because we don't like this pedi and it was the last time we'll be going to him.

I'll leave you with some recent pics..

my crazy life

My last blog entry was about going back to work. Well, I've been back for a few weeks now & being a working mom is HARD. Let me add a disclaimer that being a SAHM is hard, too. But my days are pretty crazy. THANKFULLY the girls have been in bed by 7:30 or 8:00 and sleeping until 5 or 6. Harlow was driving me nuts waking up numerous times just to have her paci replaced, but now she's down to once or twice a night. I'll take it.

So, I'm up early.. feed the girls.. get ready for work.. off to work. When I get home I feed the girls, and then we just hang out until their bath time at 7:00. Somewhere in there is some cleaning up & dinner. Once they're in bed I get things ready for the next day.. put bottles together.. pay bills.. read emails.. etc etc. My 'down time' usually starts at 9:00 and by then I'm just exhausted. Some nights I try to read a book, but I get 2 or 3 pages in before passing out.

Soooo, that was my long explanation as to why I haven't been blogging. :)

I can't complain though. I get to come home to these girls every day

They'll be 4 months old on the 9th! I can't believe it. They're smiling up a storm, with the occasional giggle (especially Emma!). One of her first laughing fits was while watching Nascar. hm. Harlow rolled from her back to her belly last week & has done it two times so far. It pisses her off (or really freaks her out) and she cries (her oh so dramatic cry). Emma has gotten SO close. She's definitely getting more mobile though. Her head will be facing West when I put her in her crib, and sometimes it will be facing East the next morning. Crazy girl.

And they just started checking each other out recently. Sometimes when I'm holding one, the other will look at me like 'hey! WHAT are you doing holding THAT baby??' heehee. A few nights ago they faced each other on their mats & started 'chatting'. It was the first time they seemed to be communicating with each other, and I caught some of it on camera! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUQ9iP4bM6k

Seriously, they're getting more & more fun with every day that goes by. I'm going to try to be better about finding time to blog. I really want to document all the special moments and milestones.. it will be worth it when I can come back and read it one day. Oh! And I bought that fancy pants life planner that I blogged about. It's pretty awesome. Hopefully it can keep me sane and organized.

I'll leave you with a few of my favorite recent pics I took when the girls turned 3 months old.

Doomsday

It's comin'.. and I aint happy bout it.

I head back to work full time next Wednesday. sigh. I knew the day would come but now I feel like the last few months have flown by & I'm not feeling ready to leave my baby girls five days a week. I'm extremely lucky because my Mom will watch them a few days a week, and a friend will watch them the other two days. BUT STILL. I think of all the diaper changes I'll be missing out and I get all teary eyed. Normally diaper changes wouldn't be something one would miss, but I love that time with the girls. They smile and we talk.. I love it.

Being a SAHM would be a dream come true, but if I weigh the pros & cons of going back to work, I'm making the right choice. We can continue living in San Diego (which we both love), and we can provide for the girls without just scraping by each month. There will be vacays with the girls some day, and of course TWO weddings & college tuitions to save for. Oy. Besides the monetary benefits, I keep reminding myself that it's only a few years until they're in school anyways. And when they're old enough to understand, I hope they look up to their Mommy for having a career.

I'm sure going back will be somewhat bittersweet. Taking care of the girls 24/7 is TIRING. To say the least. Of course I'm still going to be tired.. I'll still be getting up at 3 or 4 to feed the girls each morning, and when I come home from work I won't be vegging out in front of the t.v. I'll still be "on" 24/7. But I'll be around adults all day, with the ability to enjoy lunch (without scarfing it down!), and I'll get out of my yoga pants and into cute skirts and dresses again.

To prepare myself for being an official working Mom, I hired a house cleaner yesterday. I was on the fence until I heard that working Mom's with 2 or more kids, spend 30% of their time at home cleaning. 30%!! My time is going to be precious with my girlies, so I decided I need some help keeping up the house. No shame in my game! :) I have someone coming twice a month to keep up on the floors, dusting, bathrooms, kitchen, baseboards.. all the nitty gritty. Woot!

I'm also considering getting myself one of these as a back to work present:

It's an Erin Condren life planner. I neeeed it. I have a blackberry but I'm old school. I love writing lists and adding to-do's & reminders on actual paper. It's $50 though.. steep, I know. But worth it, no? I think I deserve it. :) Like how I'm totally trying to convince myself that I need to buy it? hehe.

And lastly, I'll be going through my work clothes this week to see what I can get rid of, and what I need to buy. I weigh a bit less than I did before I got pregnant, but I'm pretty sure my old work stuff still fits. Then this weekend Dan's going to watch the girls for a few hours while I go shopping. Yay! I definitely need a couple new bras, work tops, a couple skirts, and a few dresses. Oh, and heels. Multiple pairs, of course.

So, that's that. I'm going to rock this working Mom thing. :)

fyi..

I currently can't leave comments on my blog, or any blog I follow for that matter! I'm having some sort of issue with blogger & wanted you to know I read all comments & wish I could respond back. boo.

If anyone else has had issues leaving comments & knows a solution I'd love to hear it! :)

Ok, off to warm a bottle. An exciting Tuesday, right? ;)

A day at the bay

I had one of those weekends that reminds me why I love living in San Diego. Despite the cost of living! We loaded up the car .. two babies, two dogs, two beach chairs, one big diaper bag, a cooler & a bucket of chicken.. and we headed to Fiesta Island.

It was the first official beach trip for the girls, and even though they just hung out in the back of the Tahoe the whole time, they got to enjoy the fresh ocean breeze. I can't wait until the girls are old enough to play in the sand & the water.

Here's a little photo montage of our day at the bay..

Getting ready to head out!

Enjoying the breeze (they were facing the water)

Dan & the dogs played in the water

The girls & I hung out

The dogs eventually pooped out

And so did Emma & Harlow

Which meant time for Dan & I to stick our feet in the sand

And relax with an adult beverage :)

The End.

Bloopers!

I promise my parenting experience is not summed up by formula feeding guilt or postpartum anxiety. There are SO many good moments that far outweigh the bad, and so many moments where a mistake is made or a funny moment is captured. The bloopers of parenting! This will the first installment of many many more bloopers to come.

The funniest stupidest thing I've done to date happened 4 days after they were born. We had our first appointment with the pediatrician and decided we should give the girls their first at home bath. As if getting two babies fed and out the door on time for their first outing isn't stressful enough..let's add a bath to the mix. Yay! So, I gave Harlow a bath and then moved over to the couch to breastfeed her in a football hold position. Notice any steps missing in between bath & feeding? Yep.. I forgot to put a diaper on her.

And little miss Harlow.. being the jokester that she is.. decided it was a good time to poop her very first huge & messy poo. Of course! And since I had her in football hold with her booty to the side of me, I didn't realize what had happened until I stood up with her. OH EM GEE. Poop EVERYWHERE. Poop on my arm, poop all over her, poop all over the breastfeeding pillow, poop all over the couch! And she wasn't done.. nope, not yet.

As I realize what just happened I look down at her and she's STILL pooping. And I decide that slipping my hand under her butt to catch the poo in my hand is a better idea then letting it hit the wood floors (sleep deprivation makes you do crazy things, yo). Ew.

I make it a few feet towards the kitchen when I realize the window (where the sink is) is wiiiide open. It's the middle of the day, the window looks right out to our street, I'm holding baby in one hand, poop in the other, and my bewbies are totally hanging out. I yell for Dan (thank god he was there), who was able to come and help diffuse the situation. Not before yelling back at me to run to the sink while I'm yelling at him that I'd rather not flash the whole neighborhood. It was hilarious.. afterwards of course, not during.

So, that's my first disgusting experience with poo & some serious sleep deprived Mommy brain. I promise I'll never write another post that contains the word poo or poop so many times. And since I don't have any pictures documenting this blooper (darn) I'll leave you with a different blooper pic.

I promise I'm not suffocating my baby. :)

See? She's o.k  It's just a new thing Emma likes to do where I put the blanket over her arms and she buries her head in it. I don't blame her.. this is an a&a bamboo blanket & it's sooooft.

Letting the guilt go

I realize my posts are kinda all over the place. I'm playing catch up from not blogging right after the girls were born, which is why I'm just now journaling about my attempt at breastfeeding.

I say attempt because honestly it was not a "success". During my pregnancy I always knew I would try to breastfeed the girls, and I really didn't foresee quitting so early on. That was my first mistake. I should have been more realistic. I should have read up on some real life stories of breastfeeding twins (not the twin books that make you feel like it's easy peasy). And I probably shouldn't have purchased such a nice (expensive!) breast pump.

But I thought it was going to work.. I reeeally did. I envisioned tandem feeding the girls on the twin nursing pillow that was given to me, and I pictured myself pumping in my office once I went back to work. I even used it as a reason to justify buying a mini fridge for my office. You see? There was never a doubt in my mind that it wouldn't happen.

Fast forward to the girls being born. Emma weighed 4lbs 14oz and we had major latch issues with her from the start. Because of my gestational diabetes, I had to feed the girls a bottle of formula soon after they were born. The rest of the 48 hours I was in the hospital were spent desperately trying to get Emma to latch. Using the tube feeder filled with formula, and the (painful) nipple shield. I had nurses & lactation consultants helping me. My obgyn and the pediatrician at the hospital told me just to make sure they get fed, even if that means formula. The nurses and lactation consultants were clearly pushing breastfeeding..big time. And I was so SO confused.

Fast forward to bringing the girls home. We quickly realized that breastfeeding Harlow AND attempting for long periods of time to get Emma to latch, was NOT going to work. I would literally have a baby on a boob 24/7. Within the first week of bringing them home I caved mentally & physically. We busted out the bottles of formula full time for Emma, and I got some sleep.

The plan was to formula feed Emma, but continue breastfeeding Harlow so that I could continue to pump enough breast milk for Emma. That worked for another week or so. I made the mistake of supplementing with formula for Harlow and once she realized how much easier it was for her to just take a bottle, she would scream bloody murder within 5 minutes of me putting her on my boob. The first time she did that I broke down crying. I cried and cried and cried.. while reluctantly feeding her a bottle of formula.

But then I realized.. WHY am I beating myself up? They got the colostrum, they got some breast milk, and I continued pumping so they could get more breast milk for the first month. I tried. But breastfeeding one baby with latch issues would be rough.. adding a whole other baby to the mix? Makes it DAMN hard. Any twin mama out there who was able to successfully breastfeed for any extended period of time should seriously get some sort of medal. Because that shit is HARD.

So, there you have it. I tried, it didn't work out like I imagined, I beat myself up over it, I let the guilt go. And now I'm a happier mama for it. Getting decent sleep for me, two healthy growing baby girls? Sounds like a win to me!

For all the future twin mama's reading this.. PLEASE don't set crazy expectations for yourself. Or mom's of singletons for that matter! You can have an ideal plan in place, but if it doesn't work out exactly like you imagined, don't let guilt consume you. If you're taking care of your babies AND yourself, you're doing your job. And I promise 20 years from now your kids won't remember or care whether they were breastfed or not. Promise.