National Infertility Awareness Week

April 24th-May 1st marks National Infertility Awareness Week. Someone on the bump posted these links & I though I'd share:

Infertility Etiquette

Infertility Myths


I'm open when it comes to talking about our struggles with friends and family because it is a reality that there are a lot more people out there struggling with infertility. I'm lucky to get a lot of support and encouragement from my family & friends, but the #1 suggestion I get is to "just relax". I would bet that's hands down the most common suggestion couples struggling with infertility hear.

I've heard countless stories from friends about their friend's sister's bff who took a vacation and whad'ya know, they're KU! Or their friends who gave up on trying to conceive, adopted, and POOF! Like magic, they're KU!

I get it. They're trying to offer up some advice, but I would bet that for every one of those success stories there's probably at least 20 couples who took a baby makin' vacay or adopted, and well.. still aren't pregnant.

My other faves are "just stop thinking about it and it will happen", and "it will happen when it's meant to happen". HA. In my heart I know it was "meant to happen" a looong time ago. Nobody is "meant" to go through this kind of suffering and pain that I've endured.

So, this week I hope the awareness spreads. Infertility is not something to be ashamed of.

The Miracle of Engineering Tucked Away in His Pants

I'm talkin' sperm people. Dan & I watched Sizing Up Sperm, on National Geographic yesterday, and that was how they started off describing sperm..a miracle of engineering tucked away in his pants. The show illustrates the journey sperm go through to reach the egg, and while it's not meant to be funny, it was freakin' hilarious.

First off, they use real people (dressed in all white, of course) to act as real-life sperm. Kind of funny. Kind of creepy. To show you the hilarity, I have to share a picture. In real life sperm reach the cervix via the woman's cervical mucus. Here's how the show illustrated that:

Yep. That's "sperm" climbing giant ladders that take them from the cervix to the uterus. Hilarious.

But honestly the silliness of real-life actors pretending to be sperm did serve it's purpose. We knew the sperm's journey was rough, but MAN is it rough. Usually only a few lucky thousand reach the uterus, and guess how many we had inserted directly into my ute at yesterday's IUI...

82 MILLION sperm

Dan was thrilled (of course) and so was the doc. He told Dan "you did a good job!" so Dan was beaming, and of course I was pleased too. Dan's sperm didn't have to go through the "treacherous journey" that we watched on the show though. They got a one way ticket to ute-ville. Woot!

As for the actual IUI, it went well. It was more painful than I expected because my doc said it was difficult to find my uterus from my cervix. Him & the nurse even made a comment that it normally isn't that difficult. So now Dan is convinced that's been our issue all along and this is FOR SURE going to work. I hope he's right.

So, other than cramping during the actual IUI and some light cramps & spotting when I got home, everything went well.

And now we wait.. May 6th can't get here fast enough!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day. The day I've been waiting for (so patiently) the last few months when a work trip and then a rubella vaccination pushed things back. Our first IUI is TOMORROW.

I'm such a big ball of nervousness and excitement, all rolled into one. I wouldn't bet my bottom dollar that there will be sun tomorrow (we're in the middle of a little storm), but I am lovin' tomorrow. Shout out to my homegirl Annie. :)

I had my last u/s & b/w this morning. According to my RE I have 2 definite follies and most likely 2 more that should release an egg. First thought was "eek..quads?!" but I asked him if 4 were too many and he said no. I'm trusting him and I know that anything more than twins is still a really slim possibility. Shit, it's been 1.5 years and I can't get pregnant with ONE, so I'm not worried. We'll cross that bridge if we have to.

I asked him what an ideal sperm count would be and he said they like to see over 10mil (I believe that's pre-wash). Then he looked at our s/a results (which I never saw before.. I was only told they were fine) and said "Oh, that won't be an issue. He had 176 million." Whaaaa? I'm thinking to myself: a) that's awesome, and b) how the HELL am I not pregnant yet?" haha. Fingers crossed that his results will be just as great tomorrow.

So, tomorrow it is. ::fingers & toes crossed::

Oh yeah..

So, in my post dentist haze yesterday I forgot to mention that I lost 4lbs last week!

GO ME!

Poked, Prodded, Pricked & Drilled

This is the best way I can describe my day, and well, actually my week. Today I had another u/s this morning and b/w followed by a 3 hour dentist appointment to get some cavities filled. Joy. Oh, and since my sinuses were acting up during the dentist visit, the left side of my mouth would NOT go numb and I could feel everything. So, the dentist decided to have me come back in one week to finish up on that side.

I started my nightly follistim injections this week too, and per my RE's phone call, here's what I'll be doing this weekend:

tonight: 100 iu follistim
Saturday: injection of ganirelix in the a.m., injection of HCG & an injection of follistim in the p.m.
Sunday: repeat above
Monday morning: injection of ganirelix, u/s & b/w at 8:00 to check my follies

I'm literally a walking pin cushion. Whatever it takes I guess!

He took a guess that the IUI will be next Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. Now Dan and I have to decide if we want to do two IUI's (two days in a row), or just one. Obviously if it were all covered by insurance there would be no question, but it's around $450 for each IUI. So, Dan and I will discuss the pros & cons and make that decision next week.

In happier news, I'm an Auntie again!!!!! My sister had her ADORABLE baby boy, Severin, yesterday. I might be biased, but I really do think he's one of the cutest babies I've ever seen. Can't wait to meet him in person when I visit them in Oklahoma next month!

Alright, I'm drowzy and drained so I'm signing off.

Truce!

My body & I are on speaking terms again. This morning was the start of cycle 19, which also means the official start of our very first IUI cycle (and hopefully the last)!!!!!!!! And get this, our break cycle was a TWENTY-FIVE day cycle. I had to put 25 in caps because it's never ever happened before. It's my record for shortest cycle ever. Clearly my body got the message from my brain telling it to cooperate and get the break cycle over with as quickly as possible!

So, I have an appointment Monday morning for bloodwork and my cycle day 3 ultrasound. I believe they'll be drawing blood to make sure I'm now immuned to rubella and I think he has to make sure the vaccination is out of my system. Fingers crossed!

We'll most likely also be starting the Follistim injections on Monday (yay, more weight gain!), and if all goes well the IUI will be about two weeks from then. My test date will most likely be right before Mother's Day weekend. Gah. It feels like it's taken a long time to get to this point, but I'm beyond thrilled to finally get this show on the road.

Oh, and I will be rewarding my cooperating body handsomely tonight. With wine of course. :)

Ok, I really don't think of my body as green & warty, but good enough.

I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat

This is how I feel today. In the amount of time we've been trying to get pregnant I've put on as much weight as I probably would have if I were 9 months pregnant. It's ridiculous. I weighed myself this morning & I was shocked to find that I've put on 7 lbs since I last weighed myself, just a couple months ago! This is NOT normal for me. I know I need to exercise more and I could stand to eat more veggies and less crap, but seriously - 7 lbs???? Not.Cool.

I've ballooned. So much that I can't even wear my engagement and wedding rings at the same time. So, on my extra bloaty days I wear just my engagement ring, or none at all. My bras are too small, and sometimes I feel like the fat guy in a little coat when I put my suit jackets on. It's embarrassing to even admit all of this, but I have to face the facts & deal with them.

I googled follistim and weight gain and it seems like there's a lot of women out there who have gained lots of weight quickly after using follistim injections. Alright, so that might be the cause of some of the weight gain. I won't use it as a cop-out, but I have to believe that has something to do with the quick gain. Right? Right??

Either way, enough is enough. I'm fed up waking up thinking of my weight, and going to bed thinking about my weight. It's not healthy & it's not how I want to live my life. So, today is the first day of a new lifestyle for me. I probably start the follistim injections again next week so I have to at least work out and eat healthy so that I can at least maintain & not gain even more.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

It's April!

And that means a few things in the near future:

* Property taxes are due. booooo.
* I'm going to be an Auntie!
* IUI#1!

My plan to keep busy and have fun worked, and March flew by. I crossed a few things off my list:

* I tried Bikram Yoga (we have a love/hate relationship)
* I went to a Comedy show
* I took a golf lesson
* Took Dan out for prime rib

I also pretended I was 21 again last weekend when my best friend came down to San Diego. There were tequila shots, a pitcher of mimosas, and giant beers. Enough said.

Oh, and I did become an Aunt already to a beautiful Niece, Olivia May. Dan's sister had her last weekend and I can't wait to meet her in July.  I'm going to become an Aunt again some time this month when my older sister gives birth. This time a Nephew, and I'll meet him in May. yay!

I'm still about a week and 1/2 away from this break cycle being over, but I'm sure that will fly by and our IUI cycle will begin! The thought of daily injections, progesterone suppositories, and shelling out about $500 has never been more exciting. And Dan is actually more excited then I am! Being the true optimist that he is, he's absolutely convinced the IUI will work for us. I hope he's right, but I'll start mentally preparing myself for either situation.

In the meantime, TEQUILA!! I kid. I kid.