Thursday, October 28, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm thankful for..

Cheerios! I've got a morning routing going now where I eat a bowl of honey nut cheerios right when I get out of the shower. I've been waking up feeling staaaarving, and I found if I don't eat something I feel sick.

I'm also thankful for my parents coming to visit this weekend. I'm excited to see them.. but I'm also excited because they're bringing my favorite spaghetti for lunch - Vince's!!!!!!!!! It's a place I grew up on, and they make the best spaghetti.. hands down. I've been craving it like crazy this week! Mmmmm. I'm drooling just thinking about it.

I promise I'm thankful for more than just food today. Of course I'm thankful to still be pregnant. I hope I can continue being thankful for that until at least May of next year. :)

Lastly, I have two good e-friends who are doing their transfers, for their IVF cycles, this week. One today, and the other on Saturday. Please send some good thoughts and positive vibes their way. Hopefully we'll be celebrating their pregnancies in just a couple of weeks.. and maybe I'll have a couple more friends to join me in the twin club. :)

Enjoy your Thursday.. just one more day to go until the weekend!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

7 weeks (& 1 day)

Oops.. I'm a day late, but as of yesterday I'm 7 weeks! I still feel like time is dragging and I wish first tri had a fast forward button.

I had a bit of a scare this past Friday night. When I went to the bathroom and wiped, I was spotting, and it was light pink. I wiped a few more times..same thing. I started freaking out, but luckily my best friend, who was visiting for the weekend, was able to calm me down and reassure me that everything was fine. Of course I had horrible nightmares all night about losing the babies. :(

I woke up Saturday morning to just a little bit of brown spotting, and that was the end of it. My cramps seemed to get worse over the weekend though, so I was still worried. I called my doc yesterday and he assured me that the cramps are normal, and the spotting is probably caused by my progesterone suppositories.

So, I'm breathing a little easier, but I'm still nervous. That's normal, right?

I'm still thanking my lucky stars that I feel pretty good. I'm getting more nauseous, more frequently, but nothing crazy. My wonderful Sister sent me a pregnancy package, equipped with life savers & sea bands, to help with the nausea. And they work! Those were just 2 things among many, many things that she sent me. I'm so lucky. :) Thank you, Brooke!!

That's all that's going on with me in pregnancy land! Hope everyone is having a good start to the week. Is it Friday yet?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm thankful for...

We're having twins!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ultrasound tech was looking around, but not saying anything.. so of course my mind is going wild with thoughts of no baby found. And then she says "there's two babies" (calm as can be). She turned the screen towards me and there they were!

I looked over at Dan and the look on his face was absolutely priceless. A combination of shock & pure joy. I'm sure I had the same look on my face. :)

You could have fooled me that there's actually two babies in those sacs, because for the life of me, I can't see them. But they got the heartbeat for each baby.. 118 & 122. And we could see the tiniest of flickers.

We met with my doctor afterwards and he said everything looks great. He also said it's too soon to determine whether they're fraternal or identical. Given the fact that we had multiple eggs when we did the IUI, I'm going with fraternal. I'm also not going to lie.. when I think about identical twins this is all I see..

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Of course if I have identical twins I'll love them like crazy. You have to admit though, they're SO creepy, right?

My next u/s is in three weeks. Until then I'm going to sit back and attempt to let this all soak in...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Today's the day! (& I think I'm going to have a heart attack)

No joke. I don't think I've ever felt so nervous in my entire life.

Dan woke up this morning and said "today's the day we meet our baby!!!" ..and all I can do is think of the worst case scenario. We get the u/s and find out there's no baby, or no heartbeat. I know, I know.. these are awful things to think about.

I guess after being disappointed month after month you sort of get used to bad news, and you almost come to expect the bad news.

But I'm trying to block out those bad thoughts today and think positive thoughts. And course I'm counting down the hours & minutes until our appointment. As of right now I have a little over 6 hours.

Please please please let everything go o.k. If you've got any spare good thoughts to send my way, I'll be happy to take them. I need all the positive thinking I can take! :)

Monday, October 18, 2010

6 Weeks

I'm officially at the 6 week mark today. Woot!! It's starting to sink in a bit more, but I don't think I'll fully accept it until we hear or see that heartbeat on Wednesday. I can't wait!

Still no crazy symptoms to speak of. Saturday I woke up at 4:00 a.m. feeling really nauseous, but other than that, some stomach "issues" and some acid reflux, I'm feelin' good. I think that's why it's hard for me to accept that I'm pregnant!

I got my last beta results this past Friday. Remember, one week prior to that I had a beta of 586. So, I did the math and figured I'd be really happy with anything around 7,000.

Actual beta... 13,373!!!!!

To quote my RE, "I don't think you're octo-mom, but there's a chance there's more than one in there". EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

I mean, I can't be too shocked to find out we have twins. I had 3-4 follies at the time of our IUI, so we knew going in to it that it could happen. I guess you just don't think it will actually happen after two years of failing to conceive ONE baby. There's no guarantee of course until this Wednesday's ultrasound. I might just have one super strong baby in there. I would be THRILLED.

Don't get me wrong. If we had twins, I'd feel equally happy & blessed... but I'm not gonna lie, I'd be scared. Nervous about their health, my health, and of course how we would afford two of everything.. double the stuff, no biggie, but double the daycare? Yowzers. Dan just tells me we'll figure it out one way or another, so I'm trusting in that. I'm not letting myself get worked up over something that's not a reality yet, so I'm still assuming there's one bean in me and we'll get some conclusive results on Wednesday!

In other, non-related, news.. the Chargers are KILLING me this year. First we lost to the Raiders, and then the Rams yesterday?? I totally feel like the kid in this video. If you're a football fan you'll appreciate this kids passion for the game.

This was after the Chargers lost to the Raiders last week..
click here

Friday, October 15, 2010

Grandpa Tom

I'm skipping Foodie Friday again this week for two reasons.. 1) I've been eating like a 5 year old this week, and 2) I need to pay tribute to my late Grandpa Tom, who passed away 10/12/2002.

First I have to tell you how amazing he was. He was born & raised in Canada, loved hockey, and eventually he served in WWII. He married my Grandma, and they had five kids.. one boy, four daughters. When my Mom was about 12 years old my Grandma left my Grandpa for another man.. something unheard of back then. She picked up and moved away from the whole family, leaving my Grandpa to finish raising the kids. Talk about a role reversal. He dated, but never remarried. His family was always his top priority in life.

And then of course his grandchildren came into his life, and I can't imagine someone ever beating him at the title of "World's Best Grandpa". He was just that.. the BEST. When I was born he let my Mom, Dad, Sister and myself, move into his house while he moved into his detached garage that he turned into a bedroom.

Later on when we moved into our own house about an hour away from him my Sister and I would stay with him for days at a time, during the Summer. We would go through his closet, playing dress up with his shirts, hats and glasses. Then we would put on a Beatles record and pretend we were them. He would go through his wallet, pulling out any ripped or crinkled one dollar bills, and tell us we can have them because they're in bad shape. We would make trips to the local mall, always getting some ice cream or licorice, and always stopping to pick out some candy. And he could make us laugh, and laugh aaand laugh. He would sing us silly songs, this one being my favorite...

Jean, Jean, made a machine
Joe, Joe, made it go
Art, Art layed a fart
And blew the bloody thing apart!

My Grandpa was a great artist, and also a great craftsman. Every year when it was my Sister's birthday, I would get a Happy Un-Birthday card that he drew himself..always with some sort of silly illustration. And he'd do the same for my Sister when it was my birthday. He built us each a beautiful dollhouse.. something I still have, sitting in my living room. He also built us a tree house in his backyard, and a playhouse in our backyard.

Almost every Sunday he would come to our house, usually with a pie. I'd get my roller skates on and he would hold my hand & run with me from the top of our street, all the way down.. me rolling with laughter from the tickling vibration of the asphalt under my feet. Dinner in the evening would usually consist of one of his faves.. my Mom's tacos, or his famous baked mac n' cheese, or stew.

I could go on & on & on about my Grandpa Tom. What a wonderful Grandfather he was, and all the great memories I have of him. I had a special bond with my Grandpa Tom, and he was always my favorite person, and my biggest hero.

Grandpa Tom,
First off, let me tell you how much I miss you. I don't think I can even put it into words. I think about you every day, and it's weird.. it puts a smile on my face, but tears in my eyes. I often have dreams about you..but maybe you already knew that? In most of them we're holding hands and walking, both of knowing it's just borrowed time before I wake up and have to say goodbye again. I love waking up in the morning, remembering those dreams. It brings you to life again, even if it's just for a quick moment in my sleep.

I wish you would have had the chance to meet Dan. I think you would have loved him. And guess what, Grandpa? It took awhile, but I'm pregnant. If it's a boy he'll take your name as his middle name (don't worry, I won't give him your middle name of Ambrose.. I know how much you hated it). And someday I'll tell him or her about you.. their Great-Grandpa they didn't get the chance to meet. I can't wait to tell them stories about you, and make them feel as if they know you, even if you never met.

I miss you dearly, Grandpa Tom. Please visit me often in my dreams.


Thursday, October 14, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm feeling thankful for...

..still being pregnant. I'm 5 weeks 3 days, with no morning sickness or exhaustion to speak of. I almost wish I'd feel like crap to reassure me, but since I've heard most people don't experience these symptoms until 6 weeks, I'll probably be eating my words soon.

..waking up to the rain at 4:45 this morning. Normally I'd be pissed to wake up so early, but I LOVE listening to the rain on the roof & windows. I'm so ready for some more rainy weather! hubby. He picked me up from work the other day (we carpool) & had these for me:

Aren't they puuuuurdy? They had a note attached that said "Congratulations Future Mom!" hehe. He's so cute, and I'm so thankful to have him as my husband. I can't wait to see how he is when he's a Daddy. :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Something to make you smile

If you love the Old Spice commercials & Sesame Street as much as I do, you'll love this...

Happy Wednesday!!!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

So much stupid

Ok, so we all know there are a lot of really ignorant people out there. I don't think I've ever really noticed it so much until struggling with infertility. The things people say regarding fertility treatments are INSANE.

I remember a girl telling me and some other "infertiles" that we were selfish for doing fertility treatments. That it's against God's wishes, and we should just adopt. The first thing I thought was, WOW... you're so uneducated & you obviously have no idea what you're talking about or you wouldn't run your mouth telling other people how to handle infertility.

But then I got angry. How dare someone judge someone else for doing whatever they have to do to have a biological child. And I'm sorry, but if you believe in God, didn't that same God create the scientists who created the medicine to treat infertility?

And in the end, I just feel sadness. Sad that there are parents out there who raise children to think that they have the right to pass judgement on other people's decisions, based off their own religious beliefs.

If you've watched the show, Giuliana & Bill, you know they've been struggling with getting pregnant. They did an interview for a magazine recently, where they said they did IVF, got pregnant, but unfortunately had lost the baby. Scrolling through the comments people left online, I stumbled across this doozy..

First Of all Doing IVF Is going against god's will.......Ivf is all manmade, and it is artificial insemination...... can u imagine hw god feels if u tried to do something other than only which he has control over....... it goes to show.......u people dun even trust god in conceiving kids naturally n takes time......nature takes time.....u gotta haf faith in god.....if not if you dun.....u'll never succeed......watever u're doing is a sin.....n that's why you had the miscarriage......because u didn't let god take care of u.......u simply didn't trust god n by destroying ur body by having a boob job too is just pure sin.....u're jus telling god u're not happy with urself n in return he isn't happy with u........yes he created us humans but u gotta respect n honor him first!!!!!! Appreciate what he gave u.....dun destroy another life again PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

::Sigh:: Yep, there are people THAT stupid out there. It's terribly sad, no? Isn't religion supposed to teach people about accepting people for who they are, sympathizing with people who are struggling, and not judging others?

I guess there's no real purpose to this post. I just had to get that off my chest. Even if I may have won the battle, infertility has taught me a lot about myself, and unfortunately it's exposed me to all the stupid that exists in our world today.

I, for one, will teach my children about empathy & acceptance. And when I look into my child's eyes it will solidify the fact that there is no wrong way to conceive a child.

Friday, October 8, 2010


That's my 2nd beta#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And my progesterone is over 20 now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry, I'm just a little excited)

Just to recap, the first beta on Monday was 132, but my progesterone was only 15. So, my beta has doubled nicely throughout the week and my progesterone is where they like to see it. Aaaaand, the spotting seems to have officially stopped.

My first ultrasound (to hear the heartbeat.. holy crapola) is scheduled for October 20th. I'm going to go in next week one last time for blood work. My RE didn't think it was necessary but offered it to help ease my mind between now and the u/s. I lurve him. :)

OH. EM. GEE. This is really happening????

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Thankful Thursday

I don't even think I need to write this post to tell you all what I'm thankful for today. It's obvious, right? I'll say it anyways since it's fun..

I'm thankful today for being pregnant!!!!!! :) And if I want to get a little more specific I'm thankful that the spotting is almost non-existent, and any that I'm still having is still light brown. Yay!

I'm also feeling thankful for a husband who is constantly telling me to think positive thoughts. I've been such a worry wart all week long, and he puts me in check. I think it's perfectly normal for me to be nervous, but I shouldn't be so anxious about tomorrow's bloodwork. All I can do is think good thoughts and hope for the best. Seriously though.. is it Friday yet??

Lastly, I'm thankful for having friends & family who are truly just as excited as we are about this pregnancy. They know how much we wanted this, how long we waited, and how much we went through to get here. They're praying, thinking of us, and sending all the good ju-ju they've got (this includes you, dear reader!) . I can't express how much that support means to me. Knowing I have so many people pulling for us and hoping for a mini Lolo/Dan next June, touches my heart and makes me feel all warm and gushy inside. This little pea in my belleh is already loved dearly, and I'm beyond thankful for that.

Hang in there little pea.. I promise you'll have a life full of family, joy, and love. xoxoxo

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

It feels like Fall!

Hello! First off, I'm still pregnant.. Yippeeeeeeee! I still have cramps that I wish would just go away, but the spotting seems to be getting lighter. It's still just brown (phew) and for some reason it's only happening now during the day, and not at night while I'm sleeping. I took another HPT this morning to make sure it's getting darker, and not lighter.



I'm happy with that :)

Now, onto the point of this post.. it feels like Fall at my house! We've had a rainy, cold week in San Diego & I'm LOVING it. Dan thinks I'm weird but I wish it rained much more than it does here. I love being at home, hearing & smelling the rain, lighting a fire, and cooking some soup.

The last two nights we lit a fire in our fireplace..

And I put up some Fall decorations...

I got the straw looking pumpkin & the branch/leaves around the candle at Target for only $2.50 each. I also got the little orange candle (it's pumpkin spice!) at Target for $1. Woot! As you can see I don't have much when it comes to Fall decorations, but it's a start.

Next I'll be decorating my feet for Fall .. new boots! :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

there's a little thing..

In my belly!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm totally, utterly, completely shocked. I mean, obviously I knew it was a possibility, but when I started spotting over the weekend I assumed I was out and started going through my IVF paperwork in more detail, looking at the calendar & trying to estimate when my egg retrieval and transfer would be.

I stopped at my RE's office on the way to work to get my blood drawn, and then waited anxiously at work all day for the results.

Last pregnancy's beta was 23 .. this beta was 132!!!!!!!!!!! Soooooo much better. My RE didn't mention the progesterone, so I asked. He said it's at 15, and they like to see over 20. So, I asked if he thinks this will be another chemical pregnancy & he said he doesn't think that's likely since my beta is so high.

I feel like I can breathe a little, but that damn progesterone number is going to make me a nervous nelly all week. My next blood draw is Friday, and that day can not get here quick enough.

For today, after 2 long years of trying, I'm pregnant.. I'm pregnant??? Holy shit, I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Foodie Friday: Pumpkin Cheesecake

Happy Friday, friends! It's October.. can you believe it?? This weekend I'll be pulling out the Halloween decorations, and buying a mini pumpkin for my desk at work. Before you know it we'll be putting up Christmas decorations. I can't wait! I have much more to say about October, and some significant dates and milestones, but I'll leave that for another post.

Today I'm feeling obligated to share a recipe with pumpkin in it.. and really, this is the only recipe I have that has pumpkin in it! Lucky for you it's DELICIOUS. I've been making this every Thanksgiving, and I think I also made it for Christmas last year.. it's Dan's fave. It might seem like a lot of ingredients, but I promise it's super easy.

Pumpkin Cheesecake

Crust Ingredients
3/4 Cup graham cracker crumbs (I put graham crackers in a freezer zip lock bag and then smash them up with a meat hammer)
3 tablespoons melted butter
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

Filling Ingredients
1 Cup cream cheese (1/2 lb)
1/4 Cup sugar
1 large egg
2/3 Cup pumpkin
3/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon cloves
garnish - whip cream

In a small bowl combine graham cracker crumbs, (crust) spices, and melted butter
Mix together & press into an 8x8 pan, lined with foil
Place cream cheese in a large mixing bowl & beat with an electric mixer until fluffy
Beat in sugar, then egg
Blend dry (filling) ingredients (cinnamon & cloves) together, and beat into cream cheese mixture
Beat in pumpkin
Pour mixture into your prepared pan & bake @ 325 degrees, for about 40 minutes, or until filling is just set.
Cool on wire rack for one hour, then refrigerate until serving time.
Garnish with whipped cream just before serving.

Happy Friday.. I hope everyone enjoys the first weekend of October!