Leakage

Guess what just might be worse than the injections.. the progesterone suppositories. Hooray for shoving capsules up my va-jay-jay twice a day!!!

I don't mind the actual insertion of them, it's the aftermath. At work nonetheless. I felt a bit leaky, and then I coughed. I know now what it feels like to be a pregnant woman who pees in her pants a little when she coughs or laughs. Except mine wasn't pee, it was the dissolving suppository. Fun!

First thing I did on my way home from work today - bought panty liners! Woot!

Oh, and just because this post is missing a nice visual:

99 Things

I copied this from some other blogs I follow..I've done everything in bold below. Now you can copy this on to your own blog & bold the things you’ve done!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (only if Junior High school band counts :)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Trigger Happy

Since my last post I've been getting my follistim injection every night, including Saturday night when I was in L.A., in between dinner & the Pee Wee's Playhouse Show (which by the way, was AWESOME). My BFF had to give me the injection, in her car, which was parked in a big parking structure. I'm pretty sure people walking by thought we were doing drugs as we prepped needles on the back of her car. hehe. My BFF is training to become a nurse, so she was actually thrilled to give me my injection. Pretty sure it was the highlight of the night for her.

Anyways, this morning I had another u/s which showed one huge follie, ready to go! I was a little bummed because at last Friday's u/s there were two big ones that were pulling ahead of the others. Having two would obviously give me more of a chance of conceiving, but I'll take what I can get. My doctor called me after my u/s this morning, told me the news, and asked if I could get home by noon to do the ovidrel trigger shot. YES!!!

I should ovulate late tomorrow night, on get this.. CYCLE DAY 12!!!! TWELVE! Can you believe it? I think the very earliest I've ever ovulated was day 15, but normally I'm a day 17-18 O'er. Wednesday I start my twice daily progesterone suppositories, and I'll probably test two weeks from then. On Dan's Birthday!

Seriously, what better gift could I give my Husband then to tell him he's going to be a Daddy?

The Fun Has Begun!

Monday was my bloodwork, ultrasound and the pick up of my brown bag o'fun. My ultrasound showed a bunch of follies already starting off, so my doc decided to start me off on a lower dosage of follistim (75 iu). Lower dosage = cheaper cycle. Woot! Our total for the follistim, ovidrel shot, and progesterone suppository was $455.55. Not too shabby, and my wonderful parents decided to help us by paying for the meds. yay!

Anywho, Monday night was the first of a possible ten nightly injections. Standing with the follistim injection pen in my hand I completely freaked out, froze up, and had to have Dan give me the injection. So far I've done three nights of injections and I've got a few needle marks and one little bruise on my tummy to show for it. I included a pic of the actual follistim injection pen and needle, so you can see how big it is. It might not look like a big needle to you, but it's huuuuge to me. I'm a big cry-baby. :)

So, here's the whole plan:

Thursday night - follistim injection

Friday morning - bloodwork, ultrasound

Most likely after Friday's ultrasound we'll continue with nightly injections

Monday morning - bloodwork, ultrasound

Wednesday morning - possible bloodwork, ultrasound

At some point next week we'll be close to ovulating, at which point Dan will give me the ovidrel shot, and then the baby making begins!

Once I ovulate I'll start the progesterone suppositories (vaginally..yuck), and I'm pretty sure I caught the doc telling me I'd have to continue that 10 weeks into (possible) pregnancy. yuck-o.

Basically, Dan is my proclaimed Man Nurse for the next couple weeks, and I'm his pin cushion. I better be nice to him.

My 1st Blog Award!

I've been awarded with the Happy 101 award, by the lovely Gingham! If you haven't read her blog yet, you should check her out at A Healthier Me and Maybe Baby? Thank you sweets for this sweet award!

So, here are 10 things that make me happy:

1. Taking long walks with Dan and the dogs

2. Taking my bra off at the end of the day

3. Red wine

4. Starbucks Skinny Vanilla Latte

5. Getting my hair done

6. Getting a long email from my BFF or Sister

7. Snuggling with Bootsie & Cali

8. When Dan cooks me a delicious meal

9. Climbing in to a clean, freshly made bed

10. LEAVING the gym.. knowing I worked my butt off

Here are 10 of my favorite bloggers, that I'd like to pass this award on to:

Life After The City
Long Walk to Family
My Eggs and Ham
Our Family is Growing!
Live, Laugh, Love and More
The Long and Winding Rogue
Waiting is the Hardest Thing
We're Really Great!
A Side Order of Life
What's left? There's life.

Disappointed

That's the best way I can describe how I feel right now. Cheated. Pissed. Sad. Those are a few other words that describe it. I'm not talking about IF, I'm talking about the Chargers game.



Seriously? Nate Kaeding.. seriously? You missed ALL field goal attempts. That's your JOB. Kick the ball through the posts. And were you guys trying to rack up as many penalties as possible? It sure seemed like it.



And I don't know what's worse, the game, or all the crap talking non-Chargers fans do AFTER the game. Hurry up and get all your douchey comments on Facebook now so we can move on.



sigh.



I had SUCH high hopes for us going to the Super Bowl this year (finally) and we blew it. Big time. I LOVE my Chargers though, and I really hope they can pull it together and come back stronger next season.



Moving right along.. one thing I am looking forward to tonight:



Jack Bauer = Sexy. Turn my frown upside down Jack. And please be more ruthless & kick more ass this season.

One Day

I found this poem and I'm not gonna lie.. it made me cry. Cycle 16 officially began today so I'll be picking up my meds and needles and I believe the fun will start next week. This poem pretty much sums up exactly how I feel today. I'm sad, but I'm hopeful and excited for this next step in my journey. I WILL get my baby..

One Day
One Day I will no longer look forward to treatments
I won’t have to inject myself
Our sex life will be just that…Ours
Making love will be simply making love
Infertility won’t haunt my daily thoughts
My hopes won’t be crushed after every cycle
I won’t cry inside when I hear a friend is pregnant…
Or when my period comes, inevitably, every month
I won’t constantly hunt for information
Or try to decipher the “signals” that my body is sending me
Or wonder if something I eat, drink, do, see, think could prevent pregnancy

And…One Day I will be the one with two lines
Scared every day to lose a life inside of me
Experiencing morning sickness
Swollen, painful breasts
Swollen ankles
Fatigue
And the joy of becoming rounder everyday
I will discuss pregnancy and motherhood with other women as an equal
I will hear a heart beating inside me that is not my own
I will see a tiny “bean” grow into a Baby on ultrasound
I will buy tiny clothes, cribs, strollers, carseats
I will prepare a nursery fit for royalty

One Day I will feel contractions grip my body
And feel the anticipation of meeting my Little One
And rush to the hospital
My husband will be nervous
And we will get through this, too…together
And we will meet Our Baby…our precious, beautiful Baby, that WE created
We will count ten fingers and toes
We will wonder who he/she looks like
We will finally announce the arrival of Our Baby to our families
And we will take Our Baby home
To the nursery fit for royalty
And count our blessings
And cuddle our Little One endlessly
And know how truly, truly blessed we are

I believe that one day we will have all this, and more.

Tea & Crumpets Anyone?

Growing up I spent a lot of my Summer's at my Grandpa Tom's house. We would BBQ, play in our tree house that he built for my Sister and I, and play croquet. I know it probably seems like a weird thing for kids to enjoy, but my Sister & I LOVED it.

For anyone who isn't familiar with the game, basically the object is to hit your ball around the grass with your mallet, through hoops that you've set up around the lawn. If your ball goes past a hoop, instead of through it, you have to hit it back the way it came from and try again. The winner is the first person to get their ball through all of the hoops. Sounds thrilling, right?

We did this while snacking on tea & crumpets, and wearing our Sunday best. I kid, I kid. Most of the time croquet would follow or precede BBQ chicken, salad, and corn on the cob. I'm sure the adults were drinking beer.

As part of my list I wanted to buy myself a croquet set so I can some day carry on the same tradition with my family. Well, my sister sent me the best Christmas gift - my croquet set!!!!! I can't wait to set it up and show Dan what's up. And I really can't wait until we have our own family BBQ's filled with food, beer and of course croquet.

THANK YOU BROOKE!!!!

W.T.F.

That's what I said when I stepped on the scale this morning. Except I really said "What the f___!" Guess how much weight I lost this week.. ZERO. NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH. Not one pound. Not even half a pound. Now guess how much weight Dan lost.. five whole freakin' pounds.

Here's a run down on what each of us did the past week:

Me: Worked out 4 times last week (not walking but actually sweating my ass off for 45 minutes on the elliptical, burning 500-600 calories each time)
Had rabbit food all week for lunch - veggies, hummus, healthy sandwiches and healthy choice soup
Had healthier dinners and cut my portions
Chose between a glass of wine or a skinny cow ice cream during the weekdays

Dan: Took the dogs for a few leisurely walks
Had BLTs and chili dogs for lunch
Had the same dinners as I did, but the same portions he always eats
Drank less beers than he normally drinks during the week

So, how the hell does no working out, BLTs and chili dogs result in 5 lbs lost??? It's the beer.. I know it, and I told Dan that's all he'd have to do to lose the weight. NOT FAIR. I'm happy for him. I promise I am. It's just annoying that I worked my ass off last week and had nothing to show for it.

I know it's only been a week though so I'm not giving up and gorging myself with a large pizza and bottle of wine tonight. I have the same plan for this week, except I'm going to be better on the weekends. We won't be out of town, so it should be easier to watch what I eat and drink.

This week's plan - Drink more water, workout fives times (including one strength training session), and continue the healthy eating into the weekend. Oh, and the cramps started this morning.. cycle 16 is right around the corner. Maybe because I'm bloat-y that has something to do with the no weight loss this week? Hm.. I'm going to just go with that. :)

Pinch an inch.. or two.

Yesterday was my appointment with my doc to discuss next steps & possible upcoming IUI. I had Dan go with me, and he liked the doc just as much as I do. yay!

So, after a discussion with the doctor he tells me we might want to try follicle stimulation & an ovulation trigger shot. The follicle stimulation requires me to get a shot of medicine (follistim) in my belly, every night for ten nights. ouch. They'll monitor me via ultra sounds and when it looks like my follies are at the right size they'll give me the ovidrel shot (to trigger ovulation), again in my belly.

The doc gave me my kit, equipped with the syringe pen and needles. He walked me through how to change the needle, how to insert the medicine, and how to give myself the shot. I told Dan to pay attention, because there's a very good chance I'll wuss out and he'll have to do it. haha. The needle isn't quite as big as the picture above, but pretty close. hehe..ok, that's a little bit of an exaggeration. When the doctor told me I would "pinch an inch" of my belly fat, I told him that wouldn't be a problem.. I can probably pinch at least two. hardy har har.

This will cost us some where around $750 out of pocket, BUT, I'm hoping my insurance will end up paying for it. They said they don't pay for fertility meds (including clomid), but my clomid was covered. So, we'll see! The IUI would end up being around $1200, so not much more, but the doctor seems to think we'll have about the same success rate doing either. So, we'll try the cheaper, less invasive option first. If this doesn't work we'll probably move on to IUI.

So, that's the plan! Of course I have to try to stay hopeful for this cycle, since I'm not out yet. I'm only about 6 dpo, but I'm mentally preparing myself now for this next step. And for once in my life I'm actually thankful for the amount of flab around my mid section. It will make for quite the cushion for the upcoming needles!

No Excuses!

This is what I told myself when I was driving home from work today - after running a few excuses through my head, as to why I shouldn't go to the gym. But I pushed those excuses to the back of my mind and thought about how great I would feel after a good workout. So, I went! yay! While on the elliptical on steroids (the one with the arm lungers) I realized I have two gym related fears: 1) The machine I'm on is going to break, 2) My workout pants are going to split and everyone will get a looksie at my big white butt. I figure the more successful I am at losing weight, the more these fears will go away! Now that's motivation. haha.

I'm only two days in, but I'm proud of myself for 2 days at the gym, and 2 days of healthy eating. I just have to keep it up and I should see some sort of improvement when I weigh myself next Monday. We'll see..

Anyways, yesterday I made a recipe from my Trader Joe's cookbook - Soyaki Broiled Salmon. It's soooo good. I made whole wheat couscous and steamed broccoli with it. Dan ate everything on his plate, including the broccoli! I just about dropped dead of shock. Here's the recipe if you're interested! We used 2 salmon fillets, and cut the below recipe in 1/2.

4 (6 oz) salmon fillets

1/2 cup Soyaki or Veri Veri Teriyaki (these are Trader Joe's sauces, so I apologize to anyone who doesn't have a Trader Joe's near them. You can probably make your own with some soy sauce, sugar, ginger, garlic, sesame seeds)

1 Tbsp Dijon mustard

2 green onions, chopped

1) Preheat oven broiler on high setting. Position rack on 2nd rung from the top, about 6 inches from heat.

2) Combine Soyaki and mustard. Pour over salmon and let it marinade for 10 minutes, while oven is heating. hint: we marinaded ours for 20 minutes, and you could actually marinade it for longer than that.

3) Place fillets on a foil-lined baking sheet, skin side down (we used a broiler pan). Discard used marinade. Broil salmon for 6 minutes or until fish flakes easily (ours took about 7-8 minutes).

4) Top with green onions.

voila!

From pizza to salmon

I weighed myself for the first time in a long time, this morning. OMG. Saying I was disappointed would be an understatement. I wasn't upset with the first number (one) or the last number (also one), it was the number in the middle that terrified me. I can't even say it out loud, or type it. Eek.

I've watched the scale slowly work its way up over the past 5 years or so. I was a vegetarian and in great shape when I met Dan.. then he converted me back to eating meat. We loved cooking yummy food together and drinking lots of wine, and we've continued that trend to date. Then we got married, and I got lazy. My visits to the gym were dwindling, and my waist was growing. In October, 2008, we took a two week trip to Europe which added on some lbs, and then we started ttc. Some how my focus turned solely to getting pregnant, and not on eating healthy and working out. I also got really good at making excuses for why I couldn't go to the gym that particular day.. I had a long day at work, I might be pregnant, the parking at the gym sucks, I'll just go home and take the dogs for a walk. I could go on & one with my lame-o excuses.

Well, today is a new day, and 2010 is my year to get healthy. Today I had a fruit smoothie (made with frozen fruit and low-fat milk), two hard boiled eggs, and two pieces of turkey bacon for breakfast. For lunch I'm having tuna on wheat crackers, carrots, and apple slices. For dinner tonight I'm having broiled salmon (recipe to follow), whole wheat couscous, and steamed broccoli.

And me and the gym have a date today, RIGHT after work so I'm not tempted to sit my butt in front of the t.v. when I get home. I won't stop drinking my red wine, but every night I'll have the choice - glass of wine or skinny cow ice cream. Depriving myself will not be the way to get me healthy again!

Oh, and to keep me motivated I'll be taping a piece of paper up to the wall of my bathroom, to make note of my weight every Monday. This was actually Dan's idea, and he'll be doing it with me. Goodbye 2009, pizza, and fat lolo.. hello 2010, fish, and in-shape lolo.

Goodluck to everyone out there trying to get healthier in 2010!

Why, Hello there 2010

It's now 2010 and even though I know it's just another year, something really does feel different. It feels like a fresh start and I can't help but feel hopeful for an awesome year. I really should be starting my healthy eating today, but Dan declared Monday the start date, and I've agreed.

So, tomorrow I'm making a trip to the store to load up on veggies and fruits, and I'm going to prep my food for the week. Hopefully that will make it harder to fall off the wagon! It's really not the healthy eating that's going to be a challenge, it's going to be the GYM. I just have to remember the first few days suck, but it gets easier. And I'll feel SO good to workout regularly again.

OK, and something random that I have to share. You know you're getting old when your Mom asks you what you want for Christmas, and this is what you ask for:

It's a Shark Steam Mop, and I LOVE it! I used it yesterday for the first time and I can't believe I had FUN cleaning my floors. If anyone has wood or pergo type flooring throughout your house, I highly recommend picking up one of these bad boys.

And on the baby front, after a few failed cycles on clomid this was my first month not on it. I was worried that I would ovulate really late or not at all, while my body was adjusting to not being on clomid.. but I got a + OPK on days 16 & 17. Not too shabby. I rang in the New Year by ovulating! haha. I also have a doc visit this upcoming Wednesday to talk about upcoming IUI plans. Woot!

Alright 2010, treat me good..